The Great Toy Summit 2011

I'm missing the kids this morning, so I've been looking through their pictures on the computer. I came across one that Isaac took after elaborately staging a meeting of his toys, and it made me smile. I'm not sure what was decided at this event, but it looks serious.

Our parenting class this week focused on behavioral issues, like lying, sibling rivalry, and tattling. The book teaches that you need to recognize the difference between tattling, health and safety issues, and legitimate requests for parental assistance in resolving a dispute. Tattling is basically when they come to you just to try to get someone else in trouble. The other two are genuine requests for help that need some kind of parental intervention. I have such a hard time with this - with distinguishing between the three of these. If Simon comes to me and says Isaac just purposely whacked him in the head with a toy, what do I do? Is he trying to get Isaac in trouble? Yes, he is. But is he also legitimately upset to the point where he needs my help? I'm not sure. Is this a safety concern? Do I try to figure out who started it? Does it depend on whether there are bruises or bleeding? What if Simon started it? The book says that the Ezzos punish the tattler and the offender. So if Simon started it, and he tattled, do I just punish him? Or Isaac too? Do I just punish everyone every time anyone tattles? And if so, how? Isolation? To where? I only have so many rooms, and most of them have fun things to play with in them. I don't WANT to be involved in any of these arguments unless someone is seriously hurt or being seriously mean. But how do you define that to your kids? I don't even know how to define it for me. All day, every day, the kids are telling on each other to me, and I don't think I'm being consistent or helpful enough. I usually say, "I'm not interested in tattling," or "You need to solve this problem yourselves," but now I feel like that's too harsh and I need to do more to help mediate. I guess the underlying problem is that they aren't respecting each other or valuing their relationships. Maybe I need to focus more on the positive, relationship-building side of this problem and less on the negative, how-do-I-punish-them side of it. Argh.