Feeding the Baby

I was going to call this post "breastfeeding," but I didn't want to scare people (like my dad, who may want to avoid reading this post anyway).
Every baby is a new experience, and I've learned the following things from baby Phil these last three weeks:

1. I cannot nurse the baby and knit at the same time. I have tried my hardest, but it's just not possible. Maybe there's room for an invention here...some kind of hands-free knitting device that you can rest on the baby's head?
2. Asking, "Phil, do you have a poopy diaper?" will probably continue to make me giggle until the poor kid is potty-trained. I'm not sure if this is a pro or a con of naming your child after his grandpa. 
3. Babies can pee on you and you don't even know it. Either they're in your lap and you suddenly feel pleasantly warm, or you're changing them and then your face and the walls and the floor are being sprinkled on. Comprehending that it's pee takes a few seconds, even after the 20th time. During those few seconds, the experience is actually kind of nice. Who doesn't like a warm lap?
4. Car seats are a pain. A large, unwieldy, spit-up covered, impossible to latch into the stupid base part, life-saving pain.
5. I can nurse the baby and use the bathroom at the same time. Strangely, this has been necessary more than once already.
6. Babies are not good at keeping their feet in the proper leg holes of their pajamas. Both legs get stuck in the same one, and then they squirm and make it impossible to figure out how to get the snaps together in the right order. All baby clothes should have zippers, not snaps. Or babies should be born with enough fur to just remain naked all the time. Hello, evolution? Where are you when I need you? 
7. I can also check Facebook while nursing the baby, while simultaneously watching Parks and Recreation on Netflix (4 seasons in just 3 weeks). 
8. Esme and Grace will be great mommies someday, as long as they eventually figure out the difference between patting the baby gently and smacking him.
9. When it's the middle of the night and you're somewhat sleep-deprived, having a newborn baby stare at you can be very unsettling. You start thinking that he's going to start talking or read your mind or steal your soul (depending on your level of sleep deprivation).
10. Baby diapers are way better than toddler diapers. To avoid changing toddler diapers, wait for the toddler to poop, then announce to your husband that you have to go change the baby's diaper for the 50th time today, thereby guilting him into changing the nasty toddler diaper. I've almost got Grace trained to poop during John's lunch hour. Genius.

Can You Teach a One-Year-Old?

I think it's possible to teach a one-year-old. I'm sure that there are one-year-olds who are potty-trained, or who can speak in sentences, or who know their colors, or who at least know not to eat their colors and then use the remaining stumps to destroy the walls and furniture. MY one-year-old, however, seems to be unteachable. By me, anyway. At present. I'm struggling with everything - discipline, nap time, keeping her occupied during school time, potty training, table manners (not the complicated ones, just stuff like not throwing food everywhere) - I feel like Helen Keller's mom before she figured out sign language. (Remember that? She would just roam around the dinner table like a pet eating scraps from people's plates).
I know Grace is a good baby, and I am pretty sure, most of the time, that I'm at least an adequate caregiver, but I feel total despair about this. I've tried looking at homeschool blogs and websites about preschoolers, but they aren't helpful. Every "independent" learning activity I've come up with either fails to capture her interest or ends up in her mouth. She doesn't like sitting on my lap unless she can bang on the computer or draw on my stuff (which she can somehow distinguish from her stuff). She doesn't like to play with her own toys unless she's trapped in her room during naptime. She's discovered that ripping up her books bothers me, so she's started ripping the pages in all of her books. The only thing that keeps her quiet is the TV, and I hate using the TV.
Am I alone? Please tell me that this is a phase. Maybe it's the new baby? It started before the new baby, but maybe it's gotten worse? Has anyone figured out how to do this? Does anyone want a job as an unpaid nanny?

Baby Phil's Breastfeeding Tracker

Baby Phil is here, and I have to say, he's already proven to be superior at breastfeeding and weight-gaining. Of course, he's also very sweet, adorable, good-smelling, and snuggly. I, on the other hand, am forgetful, cranky, slow-moving, and not nearly as good-smelling, so I'm extra-proud of the one productive thing I've done in the 5 days since Phil's arrival: I made a breastfeeding log.
So far, it's working wonderfully, and I feel reassured every time I use it that I'm being a responsible mother. It's no scrapbook or journal or organized set of newspaper clippings, but at least I'm creating some kind of record of Phil's early days - and it provides a way for me to spot trends in his eating and pooping that might help identify little problems before they become big ones.

Here's a link to my form: Allison's Breastfeeding Log

I also found a bunch of other logs online. I like mine best, but you might want to track differently than I do. I like that with mine, it's easy to see which breast was first for each feeding; that way, I can alternate.

More pen-and-paper logs:

• Google image search for logs
• Best Breastfeeding Log
• Essential Breastfeeding Log
• Kelly Mom Breastfeeding Log
• Doula World Log

If you have a smart phone or iPod or similar device, you can also do some fancy tracking with those too, although I don't know if it's as satisfying as having a nice stack of worn, scribbled-on pages. Here are some breastfeeding apps I found online (I can't vouch for their usefulness, but they look cool):

• Yahoo's Top 5 Apps
• iPod App for Breastfeeding
• Medela Breastfeeding App
• Android Breastfeeding App
• Cool Mom Tech Breastfeeding Apps

No matter how many babies I have (and five may very well be the final count), each one seems like a totally new, miraculous adventure. I hope this post helps bring a little bit of peace and structure into your new - or newly expanded - family.